you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
