one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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