I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
