I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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