Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
