at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
