i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
