Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
