Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
