Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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