Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
