I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
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i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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