the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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