nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I am available for nakedness
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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