I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
