I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
