Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
