I didn't shave. On purpose
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
there is puke in my bra ... again
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