there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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