i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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