we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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