I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
