the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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