what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
