I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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