hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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