I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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