it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
