Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize