sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
