don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
