Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
