the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
