youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
