its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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