i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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