sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
