I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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