how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
