you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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