Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
