I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
