I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
