I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
