Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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