feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
