Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
