Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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