I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
