So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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