And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
