I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
