I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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