My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
