That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm passing your future prison.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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