Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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