I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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