Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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