shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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