is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
