guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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