maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
