Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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