There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
