I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
