Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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