my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
