i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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