my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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