Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
