then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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