...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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