just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
