More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
