The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My penis needs a shock collar
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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