i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
