I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
