we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
