She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
