we have pet lesbian snakes
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
