every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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